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Ways That the Wife can Destroy the Spirit of Marriage


            There are several factors that are very important in building the spirit of a marriage.  Both the husband and the wife have specific areas that should be dealt with to properly build and maintain the spirit of marriage, and when fulfilled correctly, will allow the couple to grow mightily in the Lord.  Therefore, it is very important that we understand the different ways a man and woman view their relationship, and the various needs that should be observed and taken care of.

            One way to better understand this is by learning the ten reasons why a husband reacts to his wife.  First of all, if she rehearses “forgiven” failures of the husband, he will most likely react to her reminder of the situation.  When a husband humbles himself and asked forgiveness of the offense, the offense should be forgotten; this is something the husband should expect to see in the wife.  Unfortunately, the wife may bring up past failures to point out weaknesses in her husband and ultimately destroy the spirit of their marriage.

            Secondly, the wife can cause her husband to react when she neglects her home responsibilities.  Titus 2:4-5 illustrates the wife’s command to be the “keeper at home:”

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Thus, when the wife fails to fulfill the responsibilities of keeping the home through a neat appearance, control over children, or preparing a favorable atmosphere, the husband may react to this failure.

            A wife may also tend to develop undefined expectations.  She may expect her husband to fulfill “requirements” for her that God never intended for him to fulfill on a basis of expectation from the wife.  When the wife pressures her husband in this area, he will tend to become overwhelmed with the situation, and develop an injured spirit in the marriage relationship.

            A fourth factor that will cause the husband to react to his wife is when she resists his leadership.  The husband has a natural need to be the leader in the home, and when the wife seeks this leadership through another source, he will react to her lack of submissiveness toward him.  This will in turn cause him to lose his desire to be the spiritual leader as he ends up believing that he is not needed in that area anymore.

            From time to time, a wife may also show a lack of confidence in his decisions.  The husband may give specific direction to follow through with a command, and if it is a Scriptural command, then the wife is to be submissive to it and follow through with it.  Only when the decision is contrary to God’s Word should he be appealed.  When the husband is questioned for no reason, it will cause an immediate reaction in his spirit.

            A sixth area that will cause reaction in the life of a husband is when the wife lacks a grateful spirit.  Ultimately, this lack of gratefulness dwells in the fact that she has placed expectations on him that were never God’s intent for her to place upon him.  The husband will quickly begin to feel as though he is in bondage to the wife’s expectations, and will sense that he can never please her.

            The seventh factor that causes reaction in the spirit of the husband is when the wife fails to build loyalty for him in their children.  If the wife exhibits negative feelings toward her husband, the children will quickly pick up on this, and may develop the same harsh feelings.  This disloyalty shown by the family will cause a wall to be built between the husband and the wife because he will not be certain of trusting her or not.

            The wife can also easily expose her marriage problems to outsiders.  This is yet another detrimental cause of reaction from the husband.  This also lies in the fact of trust, in that when a wife shares intimate information that she discussed with her husband to others outside of the situation, he will wonder whether she is worthy of his intimacy anymore.  This reaction will literally break down the spirit of the marriage as the intimacy is slowly lost.

            A ninth cause of reaction from the husband occurs when the wife is inflexible to his priorities.  It must be understood by both parties that the priorities of each will be different at most times.  Thus, it is vital for both to remain somewhat flexible so as not to offend the other person.  This is especially true for the wife to do, as she is to be submissive to her husband.

            Finally, the husband will react to his wife when she repeatedly misunderstands what he is trying to say.  This may be caused by a lack of interest on the wife’s part, or a lack of ability to explain on the husband’s part.  Either way will cause frustration in the soul of the husband, as he will not be able to make himself understood to his wife.

            Therefore, we can now see why it is important to understand how the husband reacts to conflicts from his wife in a marriage relationship.  Another way the husband can understand his wife better is by realizing that women speak from four different sources in their heart.  They can speak from the mind, will, emotions, or spirit, and each different type will result in a different tone of voice or wording.  Thus, the husband must learn to correctly interpret what his wife is truly saying and trying to get across to him.

            When the man is able to understand where the wife is coming from in a certain situation, it will also allow him to see the situation from her perspective instead of his own.  This is yet a third important part in properly understanding and maintaining the spirit of marriage.  Oftentimes, the wife will focus on her immediate needs and personal limitations while the husband focuses on his future goals and personal gain.  These two contrasting forms of thinking become damaging to the spirit of marriage when one person fails to view the other person’s perspective.  When the husband and wife are able to sit down and discuss their various needs and goals in life, they will then be able to see the situation from each other’s perspective instead of their own and will strengthen the spirit of the marriage.

            Thus, it becomes very evident through these basic evidences that the spirit of the marriage relationship can be damaged very easily.  This is why it is so important to understand what factors will destroy the marriage relationship and how to avoid them.  When this is done, the couple will be able to more fully understand and obey the commands found in Ephesians chapter 5:

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

Ephesians 5:24-26