Make your own free website on

Ways That the Husband can Destroy the Spirit of Marriage


            Within the realm of the marriage relationship, it is vital that the husband understand the role he plays in fulfilling the needs of his wife.  When these needs are not met, he will ultimately damage the spirit of his marriage, and offensively hurt his wife.  Therefore, it is of utmost importance to learn the specific items that will cause the wife to react to her husband.

The first of these occur when she becomes aware that she is not the first place in his life.  Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”  When a husband becomes preoccupied with people, possessions, or activities, and fails to put his wife in “first place,” she will doubt his love and become insecure.  This reaction will end up causing a terrible damage to the spirit of their marriage.

A second way the husband damages the spirit of a marriage relationship is when he has a lack of spiritual leadership.  If the husband has no desire to fulfill his duty as the spiritual leader of his wife, he is not only violating Scripture, but is also violating her need to be under the spiritual protection and authority of him.  This will result in her reacting to his lack of leadership by being unable to put her full trust in him and seeking spiritual leadership from others.

Yet a third item that is the cause for a wife’s reaction happens when the husband fails to give her an adequate time to prepare for changes.  The wife will become emotionally attached to the atmosphere in which she lives, and when the husband threatens to remove her from her comfort zone, it will cause her to be insecure, apprehensive, and bitter toward him.  Thus, it becomes very important for the husband to share plans with her, and allow her to mentally prepare herself for the change that is to come well before the change occurs.

The fourth reason the wife may react against her husband is when he makes unfavorable comparisons with other women.  As he does this, he openly violates the command of 2 Corinthians 10:12, which reads:

For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.

This lack of wisdom on the man’s part will cause his wife to become jealous as she sees how he is comparing her to other women.  This greatly damages the spirit of the marriage.

            A lack of inner discipline will also be the cause for the wife to react.  If the husband is morally weak, and is unable to control his eyes or anger, the wife’s admiration and respect for him are greatly damaged.  As a result, she will be unable to fully give her heart to him and place all confidence in him for fear that she will be hurt.  Because of this lack of oneness, their spiritual relationship will be greatly damaged and they will be unable to grow in their relationship.

            Men also have a tendency to fail to recognize and express appreciation for special little attempts from the wife to please them.  Many times, the husband will not notice the extra time the wife has put into a meal, or the energy spent to do something for him.  When this is done, he expresses insensitivity to these special things that she does to please him, and she in return will seek admiration and praise from others to fulfill her need for appreciation. 

            A seventh item that will cause a wife to react to her husband occurs when he attempts to correct her in public.  What he may view as a simple joke or remark in front of others to emphasize something he wants her to change ultimately damages her self-worth, and she reacts with a desire to retaliate in public.  Instead of seeking to change her by convicting her, he should instead cry out to the Lord to bring the conviction, which will in turn build the spirit of the marriage rather than tear it down.

            Rejecting her opinions as unimportant is yet another cause for reaction toward the husband from the wife.  Many times, and husband will think of his wife as incompetent to fully understand the situations and decisions he is making.  This thinking will then make him decide to avoid her opinion and not take her counsel.  However, God has blessed the wife with a special sense about situations, and it is of great worth for the husband to learn to heed these promptings.  When the husband fails to acknowledge this special perception and rejections his wife’s opinion, she will be hurt, and it will damage the spirit of their marriage.

            Yet a ninth cause for reaction from the wife happens when the husband is inconsistent in discipline.  The wife will normally spend the majority of her time with the children whenever the husband is at work.  During this time, the wife may note of instances in which the children should be disciplined, and in turn transfers this information to the husband when he arrives home from work.  Unfortunately, instead of accepting the truth of the wife’s report, the husband may defend or take sides with the children against her.  This disloyalty is felt in the wife, and she will blame him for the rebellion of their children.

            The final cause for a reaction from the wife occurs when the husband is unwilling to ask forgiveness for his offenses.  This pride is shown in his life through the tendency to not want to admit his failures.  Proverbs 13:10 says, “Only by pride cometh contention:  but with the well advised is wisdom.”  Because of the pride in the husband’s life, contention will be built up between the couple as the wife loses respect for her husband.  In turn, it will destroy the spirit of their marriage.

            Therefore, it becomes very evident that there is a need for husbands to be aware of these ten causes for reactions from their wives.  If they fail to acknowledge these areas they lack in, it will ultimately destroy the spirit of their marriage.  When this happens, the couple will grow stagnant, and unable to grow in fellowship with one another and the Lord.